Puddle Jump Through Life With Us - Living... Loving... Growing... washed in the love of Christ

Puddle Jump Through Life With Us - Living... Loving... Growing... washed in the love of Christ

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Tuesday, May 17, 2022

This is why I always hold my breath on May 17


I always breathe a sigh of relief every year on May 17 when the afternoon hours have passed.  No, I'm not superstitious, but the reminder of the day makes me hold my breath and find myself needing to force myself to breathe, relax, trust God! He hasn't let you down yet!

I tend to relive every moment, every thought leading up to the moment we thought John, my husband, was in trouble of losing his life. For instance, as it was all happening, he brought the mail in from outside and was in such a panic, he threw it in my direction....  Today, he brought the mail in, and I don't think I breathed as he handed it to me. So many other comparisons that can make me feel as though I'm going crazy if I dwell on each and every one.

If you're not familiar with our journey and the day the earth stood still for us, here is the post that describes it in full detail.

But, here we are again. Today it has been three years since our lives were turned upside down with fear, trauma, and worry not knowing the outcome and not knowing if we wanted to face what could have been. If John didn't lose his life that day, he could have been left bedridden and completely unfunctional.... But God!

But God stepped in on that day May 17, 2019.

See - I can't even see that date in print without holding my breath again.

You think I'd be over it by now. After all, we had a pretty good outcome. And, the day didn't always hold trauma for our household. It was actually my son's original due date to be born in 2000. So, this date should not be haunting me. But, it has even though the shouts of joy are starting to drown out the chaos and fear.

I'm often at a loss for words to properly describe what our day-to-day lives have looked like.

Back in the middle of 2019, we had no foreshadowing of the rest of the journey. This day would only be the beginning.

We have joined the ranks with other fellow survivors who understand.

I often feel like we are only still hanging on but for the grace of God! My husband almost lost his life this day 3 years ago. But, he didn't!

Little did we know that we were on the cusp of even more life lessons in learning to trust our Savior.

John was still recovering and slowly getting back into performing music when the shutdowns from C19 started.

The pandemic and the post-pandemic and continuous pandemic has been weird, especially for musicians. Now, imagine adding to that trying to recover and relearn songs as you build back your once thriving business of entertainment.

As a musician who performs at retirement centers and restaurants, we were the first ones hit hard when nursing homes started shutting down in February, 2020 - Just after he had been hospitalized again in January after suffering a seizure.... So we assume based on tests that's the only thing they could come up with to explain what happened to him.

But, here we were shutting down again. This time, forced upon us by government regulations in the name of safety.

We, and the rest of the world, had no idea what was about to transpire with the pandemic.

IN 2019 - He had to cancel close to 70 gigs because of his unexpected life-threatening experience. On top of that, he had to quit teaching guitar lessons which brought in a large gap filler in our income in between shows.

IN 2020 - 175 gigs canceled because of C19 shutdowns

IN 2021 - gigs were still being canceled or restaurants not scheduling musicians as they tried to stay afloat. He ended up performing about half the number of jobs he normally does in an entire year.

His schedule was slowly rebuilding when he finally contracted Co V iD himself in November of 2021 and was hospitalized for 5 days. He almost gave up completely at this point! The despair was almost too thick to overcome.... But, once again - GOD!!!!

IN 2022 - Gigs are slowly starting to fill up but still nowhere near the amount he typically had done in a year.

...By the way - I'll just throw this in here - If you feel kind enough to buy him a coffee in the form of a Ko-fi donation, we would love you for it!

Buy a Ko-Fi 


Even now, some places are still not fully reopened and some restaurants have not brought back music yet if ever.

It's surreal!

We often feel as though we entered some weird unchartered evil dimension. Nothing is familiar. Nothing that worked before seems to work anymore. 

Today, three years later, our family is intact. The kids grew up in a hurry. My youngest has made strides at tackling the PTSD and panic attacks that followed. My oldest is pressing on though I think is often numbed himself emotionally to cope. My oldest daughter is planning a wedding and moved into adulthood tackling health issues that no doubt were complicated by all of the stress. 

But, we have John still with us and fully functioning even though he often fights discouragement as he grasps for words expecting them to come as quickly as they once did. And, he tries to maneuver an unknown world we don't understand anymore.

We press on! To God alone be all of the glory!

In fact, our pastor read a scripture Sunday that sums up where our hearts are now: