The Face of Depression

So, as I sit here alone in my early morning time which I have come to absolutely love when I actually am successful at waking up ahead of the family (this is no easy task nowadays), I am thinking about depression and what a vicious liar it is. I speak as one who knows depression first hand, not just as someone who has experienced it but also as a suicide counselor as part of a college internship. First, let me give you a background.

I will spare you a long, drawn out account of how depression and I met. But, I will tell you that I am quite familiar with it and that when I was in college, I concluded more than 60 hours of training and more hours of online, deep in the thick of it, online counseling when I helped to staff the suicide hotline. ..."Thanks for calling Life Crisis Services, this is KC. Are you feeling suicidal today?" So, KC was my assumed name as we were instructed to protect our own identity as we helped some people through some potentially dangerous situations.

After intense training, my very first live call was a suicide in progress... We were able to get help to the person in time, but talk about jumping into the deep end full force from the get go.

As I was attempting to help others, my desire to do so was spurred on by an intimate knowledge of who depression is and the damage it can do.

If I'm honest with myself, I have probably wrestled with depression since at least my teen years, though it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I would come head to head and tackle it in my own life. And, I really believe I have a good hold on it personally now, though it does creep its ugly head from time to time. Sometimes it still takes me off guard with its pathetic wooing voice of thoughts that I don't measure up. My children don't measure up. No one will ever understand me. Things will never get better. It's just not worth the effort. ... These are the thoughts that are the beginning of a sinking pit, and it's at the moment they first crop into my mind that is the time to do the battle to squash them.

Personally, I had to learn to take every thought captive and hand it over to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I remember this process took time and was a conscious effort, sometimes with rapid-fire attention to an all-out attack on depression's part trying to drag me under. What I didn't realize at the time is that years later, I would need this training to help my own children.

About 5 years ago when my son was making the transition from boy to man, I noticed he seemed to be struggling. Maybe it's because he spends a lot of time programming in front of the computer that I was more aware when depression tried to convince him to believe it. But, I believe God showed me at the time that my son was depressed. Because I was allowed to recognize it early, we tackled it together, and about a year ago, my then 17-year-old, told me that he really has a good handle on depression now and it doesn't crop its sad attempts to drag him down hardly at all anymore.

I was so relieved, but I didn't see the next victim was right there before my eyes.

My newly turned 12-year-old daughter has for the past couple of years complained of constant headaches, tummy aches, sore throats, etc. I've spent a lot of time trying to get to the root cause and a lot of prayer and efforts have gone into making her well. It wasn't until within the last year that I started noticing these symptoms she complained of being so miserable would POOF suddenly dissipate when she would get busy doing something she enjoyed.  I began to realize. She's depressed.

I will admit that I wish I had pinpointed depression in her a couple years earlier so it would never have done any damage. But, that's not typically the way it goes. I am, however, thankful, I have now put my finger on it and am making a full-fledged attempt to squash depression before it gets full hold of her.

As I battle depression with my children, I realize how exhausting it is. Some days I have to go back to my own struggle and tackle it all over again so that I can help my child. Today, is one of those days. I don't know. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's that a couple schedules have changed lately altering some alone time I was craving and smashing some financial opportunities. Maybe it's lack of finances that drags me down as it never seems to end. Whatever the cause, I know I have the initial hope of my Lord standing there wanting to take my every thought and turn it into something magnificant if I let him.... Thanks for listening. It's time I spend some time doing just that.