At 4:00 a.m. The World Stands Still

This morning, my 6:00 a.m. alarm never went off. Why? Because at 4:00 a.m. I woke up to a sound I have heard only once before: My daughter gasping for air. She is not known to be asthmatic, but has been running a fever with upper respiratory discomfort. So, as had happened months ago; it was most likely a mucous plug, or just drainage clogging her airways. Regardless of what caused it, bells and alarms were going off inside of me:

My little girl was crying, "mama" as I was (trying to remain calm) calling on the name of Jesus, Y'Shua!

Because she was able to say my name, though extremely raspy, I knew she was getting some amount of air (thank you to the Infant CPR class a paramedic conducted at a MOPS group I attended years ago). I got her to the humidifier and then focused my attention on steam.

When I was little, I suffered severely from allergies. I have memories of my mom holding me over a pot of boiling water - just waiting for me to breathe. My memories include an extremely calm mother, sweetly telling me to breathe in. I was never afraid. Knowing that if I panic, my daughter would also panic - I stepped inside the calmness of my own mother from years gone by. At 4:00 a.m., when you're holding your little girl who is gasping for air, time stands still! I waited, for what seemed like an eternity, for the water to come to a boil. Then, I held my daughter close enough to the steam to loosen her airways of the phlegm. She clung to me as if I had the ability to help her. Feeling helpless, I continued to cry out to my Lord, "Jesus, Y'Shua" under my breath.  This little girl has been the source of so much joy, and so many fears.  She has been the answer to many prayers.  As I felt her abdomen to see if air was going in deep (it was rising up and down), I called to mind many other times she has been in harm's way.

• The little girl who I prayed longingly for after losing 3 babies in utero
• The little girl who is my only child to suffer a febrile seizure (when her temps. spiked during Roseola)
• The little girl who is my only child to fall and hit her head at a swim lesson at our community center
• The little girl who is my only child to be knocked down at a waterpark by the dumping bucket of water
• The little girl who runs into walls, trips over siblings, and has been known to get hurt while sitting on a chair quietly.

 This child was my miracle baby from the start, and continues to keep me in prayer for her safety.  She is the baby I never thought would be in my arms, and the one I never thought would be brave enough to leave my arms.  She just celebrated her 5th birthday, and I'm not about to let any harm come to her on my watch.  My husband and I have a vigilant watchful eye over her.  I held her almost constantly till she was 2, and she didn't give up nursing till she was into her 3rd year.  Yet, she is the one who seems to be in the path of some sort of danger at all times.  She is also the little girl who:

• Makes us laugh
• Never ceases to amaze us with her vocabulary
• Is so eager to learn how to read, that we have started her in Kindergarten - even though her birthday calls for her to start next year.
• Learned to walk before my other children did
• Looks into your soul when you look into her eyes
• Loves to be cuddled
• Is our little Florence Nightengale - She is the one who runs to the freezer for an ice pack when her siblings are hurt.

As I type this, she is sleeping calmly next to me - breathing freely!  My son has had the same fever and virus she is suffering from, but no signs of respiratory distress.  Between the two of them, we will get very little formal education accomplished today.  Though, my other daughter jumped out of bed and immediately dove into her studies.

I thank God for his grace for getting me through another fearful moment in time with my little girl.  I feel honored that my arms have been used to hold a miracle on more than one occasion (my daughter at her birth, and at all the times God has given her back to me).  And, I am so very thankful that not every 4:00 a.m. is like this one.

P.S. If you read this and believe in prayer, we sure wouldn't turn away your prayers for our health and for continued safety for my little girl.