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Monday, November 7, 2011

Why Steve Jobs Didn't Put an On/Off Switch in iPods

I heard an interview recently about Steve Jobs.  He was nearing the end of his life, and the interviewer asked him if he believed in God, in an afterlife, or in Christ.  He responded by saying that he had given it a lot of thought.  He said that in his early years, he didn't believe.  But, now that he was getting closer to it being a reality, he had given it more thought and thought that some days he did believe.  But, then he wondered if maybe at the end, it was just like an on/off switch that someone flicks and it's over.  Then, he added:  "And, that's why I didn't put an on/off switch in the iPod."

Interesting.... This and other recent encounters have made me think about death.  I have always been a believer in an afterlife.  I have had enough encounters with, what I know to be my God and Savior, that no one can convince me there is not something beyond these years of life.  So, why does the thought of death freak me out?  After all, even newborn babies are one breath closer to their last day with every breath.  Everyone will die, if they're not alive when Christ returns (another belief I hold strongly).

What makes one person die and another recover from an illness?

Why do some say words of life on their death beds, while others curse God till they die?  When my mom was on, what we thought may be her death bed, she looked at me and told me how proud she was of me.  She told me how thankful and happy she was with who I chose to marry, and how proud she was of who I had become.  Her words took my breath away as I realized that I would have been terrified in her shoes.  I would have been begging for prayer and crying tears on my own behalf.  But, not my mom.  ...  She survived by the way, and that was 11 years ago.  And, her words still spark curious life into me.  She could have said anything - We would have understood her having a selfish moment.  She chose to bless me.

It's frightening, I guess, because it will happen before I want it to.  I enjoy my life.  Though, there were days when I was younger, that I wished my life would end.  Circumstances and bad relationships led me into depression and suicidal thoughts.  So strange that when you finally encounter Life Himself the way I have, you want to live it to the fullest all the more.  (like I said, you cannot convince me God doesn't exist.  I have experienced moments than cannot be explained away by any other reason).  I guess my fear is that I will actually leave a gap - That someone will actually miss me, and be sad and scared that I departed.

Most of all, I'm afraid that I will not have finished what I was set out to do - That I will leave something undone or unsaid.  I would hope that my children know my love for them.  I would hope that my husband does as well.  Oh, I say "I love you" all the time.  But, do they really know what that means?  Do I even know what that means?  Does my son know how amazing I think he is?  Does he know that he is the one who made me a mom?  Does my oldest daughter know what a jewel she is growing into?  Does she know how delighted I am that she aims to please me, but that I would love her even if she didn't.  Does my youngest know what a miracle she was to me after losing 3 babies during pregnancy?  Does she really understand that when I look into her eyes, I sometimes wonder if I'm catching a glimpse of heaven?

But most of all, have I done enough?  Have I given enough?  Have I believed enough?  Have I shared Christ's love enough?  My initial answer to this is, sadly, No!  I don't believe I have done all I could have done.  So, it is my hope that perhaps that means I have more time to do these things.  It is my prayer that God will grant me a long-healthy life.  So, in the time God has granted me, I only hope that during the time I'm given, I say words of encouragement and kindness, and not irritation and judgment that so easily comes flowing forth.

I've often laughingly commented to my husband that I could be a grand Christian if only it weren't for people.  I get along so well until there is conflict or rudeness that slams into my life.  I so quickly cling to pain another has thrown my way.  And, then I read the Holy words that say love is the highest commandment - above all other laws.  I hope that is what you experience when you read my words and encounter a moment of my life.

In the meantime, I think I'll leave the on/off switch to my creator because I know him to be merciful and the giver of life!

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