A Lot on My Mind

We changed! When we left on the trip, my youngest had two more baby teeth than she does now, my mom was fairly healthy, and a longtime childhood friend of mine was still alive.

We returned recently (Saturday) from a 5-week music tour. My husband performed 43 shows while the kids and I, with him on his down time, enjoyed some of our most favorite places in the world. I'll probably talk more in a separate blog post about how to survive 5 weeks with a family of 5 together always, but for now, I just want to talk.

So, there's been a lot on my mind lately. I refuse to get political or negative on my blog or on my public spaces. So, no worries. This post is not about that. It's just my spilling my thoughts out onto paper so I can clear my head and get on with life.

My son announced in the car ride home - "We've changed!" He went on to explain that in just the five weeks we were gone, my youngest had lost two baby teeth.  TWO teeth in one vacation/tour/trip. He went on to explain a couple of other changes that I don't currently remember. The one that stuck out to me was how my youngest was changing from being a snuggle baby to being a tween or pre-teen, or ok, late childhood child. She will be nine next week, and I honestly feel as if I just delivered her with the unexpected assistance of just me and my hubby right outside our bedroom bathroom. She arrived faster than I had anticipated, and with a whole lot of mercy on God's part. Though, I'm sure that's another blog post as well. The point is, she changed while we were gone.

Another thing that happened while we were on the road is that one night, while I was sitting next to the largest Holiday Inn pool I've ever seen, you know the old school holidome kind that used to have a diving board, and is 8 ft. deep. Most only go up to about 5 ft. deep with no diving boards anymore. Anyway, I was sitting at the table poolside drying off while the kids headed up to the room to shower. I received a message that my mom was in the hospital, but because of the equipment in her isolation room, she was having trouble reaching me. So, I then had to anxiously wait and frantically try to reach her to find out why she was in the hospital. After many failed attempts, I finally reached my sister who explained that my mom had a kidney infection that needed IV treatment and that she was stable.  It wasn't for a few days that I discovered there was more to the story. Turns out, the doctor had told her that if she had not come for treatment, the infection would have been fatal.  Yikes!  Here I am up in the Michigan UP, the farthest distance that our tour had taken us, helpless and not even able to reach her via my phone.

She's home, she's recovering. Praise God!

But, life changes with every bit of news like this. And, as life goes, another change was about to befall me.

Yesterday, I learned that a  long-time childhood friend who has been battling breast cancer passed away on Saturday. I sat there staring at the screen as I read the details in disbelief. She is about a year older than me, and her family and my family lived in two different cities together as our dads were transferred with the same company. I remember playing hide n seek, and I remember going on a double date to a drive in and so much more with this delightful human being. I always thought she was so naturally pretty. She had confidence yet kindness. It has not sunk in that she is gone. It feels as if a piece of my childhood has been yanked from me.

I guess that's how all of these changes feel.  While I have always been the kind of person who embraces and does not fight most changes in life, I roll with them and look forward to what each new endeavor will bring, These changes made me reflective and realize how short this life is.

My baby will never again be a baby. She is getting her permanent teeth, losing her babyhood.
My mom will never again be the go-getter, able to do everything mom I knew as a kid.
My childhood into high school friend will never be here for me to hear her laugh again.

I realize change, goodbyes, and even death are a part of this cycle of life since the days of Adam and Eve. I'm learning to accept that some changes mean a complete end. I'm happy that my friend knew Jesus as her savior, because I know that she is now dancing before Him alongside her mother whom she lost a few years earlier. At least that's what I enjoy envisioning. Perhaps, theologically, she is waiting in the grave to rise with Christ when He returns, but it is comforting to think of her dancing in a circle, holding the hands of the three babies I lost in my womb, all at the feet of Jesus.