Today, January 23, is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. It's a day set aside to honor life. For many, it's also a time to give praise to the creator of Life! For many others, it's a day of horror as thoughts from the past come back to haunt about decisions made to end a pregnancy. For others, it's a day of anger or disbelief as they shake their heads and insist a baby is not a baby until it can survive on its own, outside of its mother's womb. Perhaps to others, the day simply holds indifference.
I am very humbled and a bit embarrassed to admit that until a couple happenings in my life, I fell in the category of indifference, perhaps even bordering on anger that people would interfere with someone's personal decision. Years ago, before I married the man I have been married to for almost 19 years, I was engaged to another. My initial engagement turned into a disaster with a series of many red flags including my first fiance' impregnating another girl. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I was purely selfish. But, I will humbly admit that I never wanted to see that pregnancy come to term. In fact, I had wished the whole thing had never happened and that I didn't have to face some harsh realities. Many emotional details of life later, the two gave the baby up for adoption to give him the best shot at life which they had chosen for this child.
Fast forward time with that relationship long over, and me married to a different, much more wonderful man, we discovered we were expecting our first child. We very much wanted the child and had no thoughts other than bringing this life into the world. But, the reality of my indifference to abortion (no doubt from earlier experiences) came to light as I gazed upon an ultrasound of my own son. I was 8 weeks pregnant, and it looked like nothing more than a blog bouncing about as the doctor pointed out the head and the body which I could not make out on the black & white screen back in the fall of 1999. I left the office just happy that the blob on the screen was my developing baby but holding onto nothing more than faith that it was truly what the doctor had seen - The eyes, the head, the body that all looked like a blob, make that two blobs connected, to me.
BUT THEN........Something happened - two things really - that changed my perspective on abortion and about life inside the womb.
One - I went back to the doctor just a few short weeks later. This time, when he put the ultrasound wand on my belly, up on the screen popped a full skeletal outline of my son. It was no longer a blob bouncing about. I could see his heart, his bones, etc. It was jaw-dropping amazement! I was flabergasted that this came about so quickly. From the first visit until this one, just a few short weeks later, this blob had formed into a miniature human form. I left the doctor's office staring at the ultrasound pictures. I could not take my eyes off of them as I could clearly make out the form of a completely formed baby inside my belly.
Two - The next thing that happened to change my view of life inside the womb was that following my son's birth, I enjoyed another healthy pregnancy of a daughter. I then, endured three miscarriages in two years' time. Honestly, I believe there was at least one more that was not diagnosed. But on another fall day, I found myself in the same doctor's office where I had gazed upon my son's ultrasounds, and healthy ultrasounds of my daughter. I now, however, sat in front of a screen that showed a slowly beating heart of a developing baby struggling to survive. Something was wrong, and the doctor told me that all I could do was wait and see what happened as he had seen similar pregnancies carry, but he has also seen them fail. We waited, and one week later, I had completely lost the baby through miscarriage. I was at a point in the pregnancy where we were just getting excited about announcing it as I had almost entered the second trimester at the point of loss. This sounds early, but still there was a beating, though feeble, heart and a baby struggling to continue development inside my belly. There was a delivery complete with labor pains similar to my other two labors. And, even the strange, out-of-place feeling of elation upon the "birth," that still baffles my mind. In the course of the next two years, I proceeded to conceive and lose two more babies. Then, our miracle happened!
I will credit God, because I believe the next part of my story is truly miraculous in not only the life, but the details of how the life came about. I was able to enjoy another full-term pregnancy and the birth of a healthy baby girl. I was also able to tell my miraculous story on The 700 Club. I would love to share it with you!
My Personal Story of Hope!
